Personal Life

Arrest Warrant Issued For Malia May Johnson

Malia Sexy Cleavage Mirror Selfie

Alleged Crime: Exceeding The Maximum Sexiness Level

MJ: I do believe that then and there Malia May Johnson committed the crime of exceeding the maximum sexiness level.  

Malia: Shouldn’t it be I do believe that here and now I committed the crime of exceeding the sexy level?

MJ: On arrest warrants it says then and there, not here and now. This is a very serious offense punishable by sex until exhaustion.

Malia: Am I being charged with a misbehavior misdemeanor?

MJ: You did not just barely exceed the maximum sexiness level Mrs Johnson. You exceeded the maximum amount by a record-breaking amount. This is a 1st, 2nd, and 3rd degree felony offense.

MJ: You are under arrest Mrs Johnson.

Malia: F@#k the police! I’m going to do a 69 on an undercover cop!

MJ: Are you resisting arrest Mrs Johnson?

Malia: Baby you know like the song where they say 187 on an undercover cop, but you are the sex enforcement police, so you know 69 on an undercover cop.

MJ: Oh, I know. I know that you do not care at all about following the law Mrs Johnson. Did you think you could just break the law and get away with it? And I am a dicktective.

Malia: Does that mean you investigate dicks? JK! I have been very bad. I need to be punished, but you gotta catch me first Copper. Go eat a donut!

MJ: No! It means I investigate with my dick! Mrs Johnson, I am authorized to use whatever force is necessary to bring you in and make you serve your time.

Malia: There wasn’t even an investigation. This is bullshit!

MJ: A full investigation was conducted.

Malia: Well you never contacted me to get my side of the story. I could have had evidence proving my innocence.

MJ: Mrs Johnson, all I need is probable cause. That basically means someone accused you of a crime, they are willing to go on the record swearing they believe you are guilty, and maybe they have some propaganda evidence that I am not required to verify at all before arresting you.

Malia: Well that is ridiculous. No evidence tying me to the crime, no arrest. My accuser is a liar. You are ruining my good reputation without evidence that ties me to the crime. This is an inside job! The accuser has probably been friends with the dicktective for years or something shady like that. I am going to sue your ass off!

MJ: Mrs Johnson, although unfair abuses of power and corruption like you describe can and do happen unfortunately, I can assure you that the accuser in this case has overwhelming evidence of your guilt.

Malia: Who is my accuser? I won’t go down on you without a fight!

MJ: I am the accuser, and I am certain you exceeded not only the maximum sexiness level, but you also exceeded the maximum beauty level, and you also exceeded the maximum feisty level.

MJ: And in that case Mrs Johnson you leave me no choice. I am coming to get you, and once I have you, I will never let go!

Malia: You promise?

MJ: Yes. You are the only one I want to arrest, to have and to hold, for better or for criminal, until death does us part.

Malia: Aww that is so sweet! But I am innocent until proven guilty. Don’t forget that dicktective.

MJ: Mrs. Johnson, you are guilty of being sexy as hell, beautiful beyond words, and feisty as can be.

Malia: I have decided to plead guilty on 1 condition.

MJ: What is your condition?

Malia: That you agree to only dicktective me, and only love on me, and I get to serve my time with you, until death does us part.

MJ: Ma’am, you are not serving a life sentence. You have only been sentenced to sex until exhaustion.

Malia: I’m sure I will be naughty again and again so you will sentence me to life with you.

MJ: Mrs Johnson, you take my breath away.

Malia: Like the Coronavirus?

MJ: No. In a good way.

Malia: I know baby. Just teasin with ya. I love you Michael David Johnson! I am hiding in the laundry room if you wanna come arrest me and make me serve out my sex until exhaustion sentence.

MJ: No you are not. I just looked there.

Malia: Main house baby. The remodel after the indoor waterfall catastrophe is almost done. Next week I think they will be finished.

MJ: I forgot to read you your Malia Rights.

Malia: Do you mean my Miranda Rights?

MJ: No. Miranda Rights are different.

Malia: What are the Malia Rights?

MJ: You have the right to remain sexy. Any part of your body can and will be kissed, licked, touched, grabbed, intercoursed, banged, and attended to for a pleasurable experience. If you need an orgasm, one or more will be provided for you. Do you understand your rights as they have been texted to you?

Malia: Miranda’s Rights suck! I like my rights way better.

MJ: And sucked. I forgot that right.

Malia: That is a very important right. I would like to exercise that right immediately.

MJ: You are not in the laundry room. Where are you?

Malia: I got a quick shower because I have been cleaning and doing stuff. I didn’t want to be all funky baby. I wanted to be fresh and clean so you could dirty me up again.

MJ: How did you sneak past me and get a shower so fast?

Malia: I’m a smooth criminal.

MJ: I believe it.

Malia: I walked right past you baby. You hit me on the butt, spun me around, said “Donald Trump move. Grab’em by the c@nt!”, then you did that, and then you told me you love me and you were going to go to the laundry room.

MJ: See! Due to you exceeding the maximum sexiness level my wires got all crossed up.

Malia: No. What happened was you forgot to take your Adderall and you ended up going to the laundry room, then wandering around until something grabbed your attention, that being breaking news on the TV, which you watched and commented on by yourself, while I listened to you on the baby monitor for probably 15 minutes or more. Then you called Brittany because you couldn’t remember when your flight to Austin is tomorrow. It was probably a half an hour or more. I know you baby. Do you wanna come love on me now?

MJ: It was really a half hour?

Malia: If you aren’t in work mode/on a routine where you have reminders to take your meds, you are like a big slow but loving teddy bear with absolutely no sense of time or purpose. Sex when you are not on Adderall is great! You take your time. Nothing is rushed. I keep you focused on me, and you just keep going until I am completely satisfied. #sexwhenyouarenotonadderrallisincredible

MJ: What am I like when I take my meds?

Malia: Nothing gets past you. You are a super productive multitasking machine. Still a loving teddy bear, but an on the move purpose driven type A personality teddy bear. Sex when you are on Adderall is wham bam thank you ma’am you get to go and sometimes I do, but it is sex. It’s never take our time oh my God, that was amazing sex/love making. I still enjoy it but big difference.

MJ: Why didn’t you remind me to take my medicine?

Malia: The truth or do you want the sugar-coated answer?

MJ: The truth

Malia: When you are at home and Brittany and everyone isn’t around, sometimes I forget to make sure you take your meds on purpose.

MJ: Why would you do that?

Malia: Lots of reasons. You need to have downtime baby. You need to let your mind rest, and when you are on your meds, you don’t slow down. You just go go go. I know you don’t absolutely have to take your meds unless you are working on something, so that you have full brain function. Sometimes it is nice to have a big slow but loving teddy bear with absolutely no sense of time or purpose MJ, and sometimes it is nice to have super productive multitasking machine. Still a loving teddy bear, but an on the move purpose driven type A personality teddy bear.

MJ: Well I don’t know where my meds are. I thought they were in my bookbag. Do you know?

Malia: Baby, we have the house all to ourselves for 4 hours. No kids. No distractions. We can do whatever we want, so how about we spend the time naked in the bedroom together and see what comes naturally? Does that sound good to you?

MJ: Yes, but I can’t find my medicine and I’m worried I lost it somewhere.

Malia: How about we don’t worry about it right now. I will find it later.

MJ: Well I don’t want to be a big slow teddy bear like you said.

Malia: Do you remember the other thing I said I liked about when you are not on your meds?

MJ: No baby I don’t at this exact second but I’m worried about not having my medicine. I want to make sure I have it because I’m traveling tomorrow and I want to be on point.

Malia: I know I can find it later. I think I remember where it is, but we have almost 4 hours now to be naked alone together. Doesn’t that sound like fun?

MJ: Baby if you remember where it is tell me.

Malia: Right now you are off your meds, which means you are a big slow but loving teddy bear with absolutely no sense of time or purpose. I know you can’t help that right now and this will literally go on for the next 4 hours and all of our naked quality time will be lost unless I help guide you in the right direction. I am coming downstairs to get you and we can figure it out together. See you naked in a second baby.  XOXO 😉

The World Famous “Mother Fucker” Sex Post –

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About Michael "MJ The Terrible" Johnson

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