Personal Life

Axl Rose Is On The Phone For You

MJ The Terrible Guns N Roses Axl Rose Post Picture

This was the conversation between MJ, Axl Rose, and me (Malia).

Malia: Hey baby, Axl Rose is on the phone for you. 

MJ: No shit? I forgot to tell you Elvis called earlier. 

Malia: What is your favorite Guns N’ Roses song?

MJ: I don’t know. I grew up listening to their music. I could probably sing along with all of their big hits. 

Malia: What if you could karaoke a song with Axl Rose? Wouldn’t that be awesome? 

MJ: Yes it would be. 

Malia: Sing one of Guns N’ Roses songs baby. Do they have a love song you might want to sing? 

MJ: Ok. I used to love her, but I had to kill her. I used to love her, but I had to kill her. I had to put her six feet under. And I can still hear her complain.

Side note: When MJ started singing “I used to love her, but I had to kill her”, I laughed and Axl Rose who was live on a video call both laughed. I could hear Axl laugh but MJ couldn’t. MJ didn’t know he was on a video call.

Axl Rose said- “Hey hero. Mind if I sing along with you?” 

I showed MJ the phone and he saw Axl Rose was on a video call. MJ just stood there and didn’t say anything. 

Axl: I think the screen is frozen. MJ isn’t moving. Hanging out with people for real will always be the best way to hang out. I’m going to come over and hangout at your house sometime. Can I come over to your house and hangout with you sometime?

MJ: You want to come over to my house? 

Axl: Yeah. Who doesn’t want to hang out with an American hero? I wanna meet Cyber Rambo.

MJ: Uhm. Ok. 

Axl: Are you nervous? 

Malia: Baby, you weren’t nervous at all when President Biden, the First Lady, Vice President Harris, and her husband were eating dinner at our house. 

MJ: Well yeah, but that was just the President. You know.

Side note: Axl and I both laughed. 

MJ: I can’t believe you are on my phone right now. How did this happen? 

Malia: When you were talking with Vice President Harris the other night, you mentioned you were a big Guns N’ Roses fan growing up, and you told her about the time you thought I was taking you to a Guns N’ Roses concert, but it was a Guns N’ Roses wine tasting, and you freaked out because you thought we were going to a Guns N’ Roses concert. Vice President Harris called her friend Axl Rose, told him about you, and asked him if he would give you a call. What do you think of her now baby?

MJ: She’s friggin awesome!

Axl: I was nervous calling you MJ. I was afraid I might piss you off and you would make me disappear. The rumors about you are enough to scare anyone. I heard you were a shapeshifter. I heard you helped to rig the 2016 election. Word on the street is you are the badest cyber mother fucker there is. 

MJ: No way. I’m a family man. I’m happier at home loving on my family than I am doing anything else. 

Axl: I was reading about Stuxnet. That was some serious shit. I read about your brain surgery. I was reading about how you are permanently connected to Malia because your dick never leaves her vagina. You are a badass MJ. I’m a fan. 

MJ: I am a fan of yours. My babysitter when I was a kid, Doreen, used to crank up your songs and practice all of her karate moves on me. She was a blackbelt.

Axl: And that made you like our music? 

MJ: I liked your music in spite of the fact it was being used as theme music to kick my ass to. 

Axl: Right on man. 

Note: They talked for over 2 hours!! They talked about Axl’s girlfriend Elizabeth Grant (Lana Del Rey), who MJ met on the same day that MJ and I met. They talked about MJ being the only person to ever be awarded the Distinguished Intelligence Cross for cyber warfare. They talked about The Adventures of “MJ The Terrible” movie. MJ even told Axl about the song parody he and his son came up with using one of Guns N’ Roses songs, about his Grandmother- “Knock knock knockin on heaven’s door. My breathing machine’s not workin anymore. Knock knock knockin on heaven’s door.“ 

And that is the story of how “MJ The Terrible” and Axl Rose became friends.

Thank you so much Vice President Kamala Harris! I’m sure MJ will return your phone calls now. He just takes a little warming up to. That’s all. You’re the best!

Triple Double Date With The President Vice President and Gender Neutral Toys –

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About Michael "MJ The Terrible" Johnson

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