MJ: My mom won’t be back with the kids until 5:30. I’m working on a new project starting next week. I might not have time to bang 2 or 3 times a day then, so that means I want some more now!
Malia: I’ll be back. I went downstairs to get us some food. Don’t be harassing me or you won’t get nothin Mr Johnson.
MJ: Don’t make me have to beat you with my you know what.
Malia: With your weiner nightstick?
MJ: It is a day stick too!
Malia: Ugh! Now I’m horny and I want to come back to bed and say to hell with food. What should I do?
Malia: I should do you?
MJ: Yes! Do you want some incentive? I took a selfie of me kissing your big sexy butt earlier.
MJ: I’m gonna start telling people I hope their day is as nice as my wife’s butt.
Malia: Do not do that! Am I wearing underwear in that picture?
MJ: Yes. The wedgie kind.
Malia: A thong you mean?
MJ: Yes. Same thong you would wear to the beach. Nothing x-rated. It’s all good in the photo hood.
Malia: That’s it. Now you’re gonna get it mister! Sex crazed preggo wifey coming in hot!
MJ: From the Johnson home in the beautiful Bethesda Maryland….Let’s get ready to sexy business!
Malia: I hope other couples are as happy as we are. Seriously, there are so many crappy things going on in the world right now. I hope people are finding happiness somewhere in their lives.
MJ: Did you just take a minute for a freakin monolog?
Malia: Hush! Can you see me? I’m about to do a running land on your weiner move.
MJ: Do you want a theme song for your Olympic gymnastics move?
Malia: Yeah. Put the I’ve had the time of my life dirty dancing song on.
MJ: Ladies and gentlemen Mrs Johnson will be performing the extremely difficult reverse pole vault move, where she will be attempting to run and then jump onto the pole. Do you have any words before you attempt the reverse pole vault maneuver?
Malia: I’d like to thank my trainer, who is also my husband. We’ve really been practicing a lot. He knows how badly I want the Bedroom Wife of the Year Gold Medal. I’m ready baby. Are you ready?
MJ: Watch the knees on your landing my love. I’m hoping to avoid a ball breaking hospital run today.
Malia: Your balls will be fine. I’m gonna “stick the landing”.
MJ: On your mark. Get set. Go!
Malia: Yay! I did it!
MJ: Now let’s do it!!!