Personal Life

Did You Marry Me Because I Look Like Winnie Cooper?

Danica McKellar Malia May Johnson Photo Comparison Collage

Malia: I have a question for you.

MJ: Shoot

Malia: Did you marry me because I look like one of your childhood crushes Danica McKellar?

MJ: I have no idea who that is.

Malia: It’s Winnie Cooper from the Wonder Years.

MJ: No, but now that I think about it, you do kind of look like her. 

Malia: Look baby…….

MJ: I’ll take the girl on the right.

Malia: You promise? 

MJ: I guarantee!

Malia: Why? What if the real life all grown up Winnie Cooper threw herself at you? Would you cheat on me with Winnie Cooper the road whore?

MJ: No, I would not. Is every woman I have ever had a crush on, even if it was years before we met a road whore?

Malia: I know you wouldn’t, but can you reassure me anyway? And yes, every woman you have ever had a crush on is considered a road whore. Don’t judge me. I’m just protecting what’s mine.

MJ: Sure. What do I love more than anything in the world?

Malia: Our kids

MJ: And what do I think of every time I see them/spend time with them, etc.?

Malia: Not Winnie Cooper

MJ: Not Winnie Cooper. I think of you. You are the shit baby, and I know how good I have it. I am all in for life on you baby cakes. 

Malia: Why did you marry me?

MJ: For a lot of reasons. The #1 reason is I knew you were the one!

Malia: I know how your analytical mind works. Give me the percentages.

MJ: What percentages?

Malia: The percentages of why you married me.

MJ: I don’t know the exact percentages.

Malia: I know you. That means you can’t fool me. 

MJ: I promise I’m not trying to fool you. I never thought about/calculated percentages. I genuinely was certain you were the one. Every fiber of me being said you were the girl for me.

Malia: Guesstimate the percentages. You calculate everything. You are running equations in your head every waking moment of your life.

MJ: I didn’t equase you/us. I knew you were the one. Every single possible sign pointed to you/us being together. I have never been more certain about anything in my life ever than us being together. I did make a list at one point in time but there weren’t any percentages on it. 

Malia: List me baby. 

MJ: There was only one thing on the list. Well, really 2, but I put the second thing on the list as a joke.

Malia: Was the second thing that I will have sex with you anytime that you want it? 

MJ: Yeah

Malia: I love you! What was the first thing?

MJ: I love you to. The first thing was I need, want, and can’t live without you. I knew it then and I know it now.

Malia: I want to ask you something, but I don’t want to make you mad. Can I ask you 2 questions with no repercussions?

MJ: I’m nervous about this, but ok. Go for it.

Malia: 1. How much of the reason you wanted to marry me was your Mom and Asian Mom’s approval? 2. If your Mom and Asian Mom wouldn’t have approved of me, would you have still wanted to marry me? 

MJ: The truth with zero sugar coating…..I did want my Mom and Asian Mom to approve of you. I love and trust them both endlessly and having their approval did mean a lot to me. That said, they both instantly loved you, and so did all of my family and friends. I knew you were the one. You proved you were the one so many times I lost count. I would have married you and not looked back even if my Mom and Asian Mom didn’t approve of you. All of that said, I knew they would love you. You are pretty damn loveable.

MJ: I love you more than anything but I gotta run. I have to wrap up the deal with A.I.U. Incorporated so we can get to the awards banquet at the club later, and so we can announce the deal either tomorrow or Wednesday. 

MJ: I had no doubt you were the one and I had no doubt my Mom and Asian Mom were going to love you. I love you bye. 

Malia: Thank you for answering my questions. I feel reassured. I love you to and bye.

Malia and MJ Comparisons –

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About Michael "MJ The Terrible" Johnson

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