Malia: Mr. “MJ The Terrible”, why do you want to fight with your wife when we could be doing something a whole lot more fun together? We have a babysitter tonight!
MJ: You started it!
Malia: You started it!
MJ: You started it!!
Malia: You started it!!!!!
MJ: You were relentless with your feistiness today.
Malia: And clearly I need to be punished for it.
Malia: What did you have in mind?
MJ: I was going to let you stew for a while, which I know will drive you nuts because you are in baby making heat right now.
Malia: Well I hope you really like that couch, because you will be sleeping on it tonight!
MJ: I love this couch!
Malia: Well now I’m pissed! You will lose this battle “MJ The Terrible”!
MJ: No I will not “Maliacane”!
Malia: You might be 1 of only 72 people to ever be awarded the Distinguished Intelligence Cross, and that is a big deal and all, but baby, I am your kryptonite!
MJ: Get off my couch woman!
Malia: Make me!
MJ: Are you just going to lay there naked and shit just to drive me crazy until I give in?
Malia: Uh huh.
MJ: Why are you texting me when you are 2 feet away from me?
MJ: I don’t care how naked and stuff you are. I’m not giving in. It’s the principle of it baby.
Malia: It looks like your “principle” is happy I’m naked on the couch with you.
MJ: F@$k you!
Malia: Yes! Do that!
MJ: No! You were a little shit all day and now you think your just gonna sexy up to me and I’m going to forget all about your feistathon today?
Malia: Uh huh.
MJ: Well you are wrong!
Malia: Oh, ok.
MJ: Are you going to go back in the bedroom?
Malia: No, not at all.
MJ: Baby, do you know how hard it is to hold out right now?
Malia: I’m looking at “how hard it is” to hold out right now.
MJ: You know what you are?
Malia: A wife who wants to sexpologize for being a bitch today?
MJ: I was going to say a woman in heat who wants to have another baby more than anything.
Malia: Guilty as charged!
MJ: So you aren’t trying to sexpologize.
Malia: I do want to sexpologize, and if I get pregnant during all of the apology sex, what’s wrong with that, huh?
MJ: You are my kryptonite.
Malia: Uh huh
MJ: Can we at least pretend like I held out for a long time?
Malia: Sure baby. You really made me work for it.
MJ: I am 1 of only 72 people to ever be awarded the Distinguished Intelligence Cross.
Malia: Baby, I know. I also know that you can’t even look at it because of how traumatic the events were surrounding it. You don’t have to be a hero all the time and you can’t change the past. You are a hero, and the hero gets the girl. Now get the girl!
MJ: Where is it?
Malia: Where is what?
MJ: The award!
Malia: At your parents house.
MJ: How long did I hold out because I’m ready as hell to give in and get into your body!
Malia: A solid 5 minutes at least.
MJ: 5 minutes? That’s it?
Malia: It was a long 5 minutes though.
MJ: If you stayed in the bedroom how long do you think I would have been able to hold out?
Malia: You are a visual person, so longer. Definitely longer. I was going to text you naughty pictures to get you to come to me. But why do all that when I can just come be naked on the couch with you right here like this?
MJ: I love you. I don’t like it when we fight.
Malia: I’m really really sawy baby! I want to make it up to you sooooooo badly right now!!!
MJ: Wait for it.
MJ: Wait for it…….
Malia: Baby, are you going to jump off the top rope on me?
MJ: Wait for it!!
Malia: I don’t think Macho Man had a boner when he jumped off the top rope onto other wrestlers.
MJ: WAIT FOR IT!!
Malia: Ok. I want it. I’m ready!
MJ: I love you. I didn’t want to hold out at all. I’m going to jump down on you quick so you don’t have time to read this text before I land on you/in you. I know today was stressful. Thank you for not letting us go to bed angry tonight. And……BOOM!!!