Personal Life

Foreplay Texts Gone Wrong (I Got This Baby!)

Malia and MJ at Dr Pepper Factory in Waco Texas

Malia: I am sick and tired of being used as your sexual toy, whenever and wherever you want it only!

MJ: Huh?

Malia: You use me as your sexual toy, expecting me to have sex with you anytime you want it, and anywhere you want it.

MJ: I thought that was ok because we made an agreement. You said we could have sex anytime I wanted to. I love having sex with you. Sue me!

Malia: Well, we also made another agreement. You agreed to have sex with me anytime I wanted it.

MJ: Are you mad or is this foreplay?

Malia: Both.

MJ: I don’t understand.

Malia: We are married. Marriages are supposed to be 50/50, but one area of our marriage has been like 70/30.

MJ: You told me yesterday that I am an awesome dad. I was just nominated for Father of the Year at the club. You also told me I was a great husband. What am I missing here?

Malia: You are a great husband and father. That is not what this is about. Can you guess what this is about?

MJ: It is about something in our marriage that is like 70/30, but I am not sure what that is yet. I’m reading back through the texts now to try to figure it out.

Malia: Oh my God Michael David Johnson!

MJ: What? I don’t get it. Can you just tell me babe? I love you and our family. I am really happy right now. I want you to be happy too. I don’t know what I am supposed to do here.

Malia: I am really happy too baby. You make me really happy.

MJ: Then WTF?

Malia: I’ll tell you “WTF”! “WTF” is we made an agreement that you would have sex with me anytime I wanted to have sex too, but you have been the only one taking advantage of our sex whenever each one of us wants it agreement.

MJ: Are you trying to say that you haven’t been taking advantage of our sex whenever you want it agreement?

Malia: That is exactly what I am saying! You just expect me to have sex with you whenever and wherever you want to, but I have needs to baby.

MJ: Yesterday you said you had never been so sexually satisfied.

Malia: Baby, this is foreplay. I am horny. I made up this scenario to get you in the mood. I am frustrating you, which makes you horny. I am reminding you of our agreement because you never break agreements. I also just realized that I hid your Adderall, so you can’t think for shit right now.

MJ: Why did you hide my medicine?

Malia: Because you are great in bed when you don’t take your meds. Hey, that rhymed.

MJ: Stop being the friggin Riddler and tell me what I am supposed to freakin do!

Malia: If you were on your meds right now, you would already be inside me.

MJ: Well someone stole my meds and is playing friggin mind games with me.

Malia: I’m not perfect, okay? I was trying to make the point that you agreed to have sex with me whenever I want it too, and I want to start taking advantage of it.

MJ: I love having sex with you.

Malia: I love having sex with you too.

MJ: I am all about keeping agreements. Anytime you want to have sex, I am at your service.

Malia: Without your Adderall, I’m giving it a 50/50 chance you get this answer right. When do you think I want to have sex with you?

MJ: Well you stole my Adderall. And how could I possibly know when you want to have sex with me? What do you want me to do Malia? You are driving me crazy with this woman.

Malia: Now baby. I want to have sex with you now. I realized at the end there that without your Adderall, you are great in bed, but my foreplay texts were a big waste of time.

MJ: So come have sex with you right now?

Malia: Yes, and I’m going to meet you at the big sliding glass door, so you don’t get distracted along the way.

MJ: Medicine stealer!

Malia: You’ll forget all about that in a minute baby.

MJ: I have to pee first.

Malia: Forget the sliding glass door plan. I just realized you haven’t had your morning or afternoon Adderall, so I’m going to come get you. Mommas got this. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride baby.

The World Famous “Mother Fucker” Sex Post –

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About Michael "MJ The Terrible" Johnson

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