MJ: Baby, you are a badass with a sexy ass.
Malia: I love you
MJ: Dick biter!
Malia: That’s what you get for smacking me in the face with it.
MJ: Well guess what.
Malia: Chicken butt?
MJ: Your butt! Guess what else.
Malia: What else?
MJ: I see London. I see France. I wanna see a South African girls under pants.
Malia: I’m American!
MJ: American woman, don’t stay away from me. American woman, you make me happy.
Malia: I love being in your arms, talking about everything and nothing at the same time.
MJ: Does that mean you’re down to smash?
Malia: No but yes.
MJ: I don’t think I am the only person who would view that text as somewhat confusing.
Malia: I’m pregnant. I am literally growing a life inside of me. It’s a freakin miracle. Can we just take a moment to appreciate that instead of focusing on every word I say?
MJ: Yes we can.
Malia: The moment was appreciated. Are you still there baby?
Malia: What are you thinking about right now?
MJ: The truth?
MJ: I was thinking about the other day when you went over to Woodland and went Maliacane to blow off some steam and I could hear your Maliacane roar all the way across 2 yards in my office, with the door and windows closed.
Malia: Why did you nickname the house we bought next to our house Woodland?
MJ: Because it smells like wood and it looks like Graceland.
Malia: I like it. Woodland it is.
MJ: I have official video footage from the other day when you Maliacane roared at the Woodland house.
Malia: The FBI has not installed security in that house yet so I know you couldn’t possibly have video of my “Maliacane roar”.
MJ: Yes I do!
Malia: Show me then.
MJ: Official “Maliacane roar” video footage- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xl8IZUdPzno
Malia: Ok. I remember being angrier than that, but ok, whatever.
MJ: I love you. I’m here for you always baby. If you need to talk or vent or if you just want me to hold you and tell you everything is going to be okay.
Malia: I don’t want you around me right now baby.
Malia: I said baby. I am in raging preggo hormones total bitch mode and I don’t want you to think about me like this. I like it when you think of me as your angel.
MJ: I love you no matter what babycakes.
Malia: Well right now I want to claw you with my nails and kick and yell and scream at the top of my lungs until I run out of energy and collapse.
MJ: I love you regardless. Can I get you anything or bring you anything?
Malia: Yeah. Your dick! I want you to bang me so hard I can’t walk straight.
MJ: I thought you didn’t want me around you right now while you are in raging preggo hormone total bitch mode?
Malia: Just do what I want Michael David Johnson! Don’t text me another stupid word! If you really love me, you will come bang my hormone enraged brains out until I tell you to stop! That’s it. Malia out.
Note: I walked around the house trying to find her so I could do what she wanted. When I found her, she was passed out on the game room couch. I let her sleep. Malia is such an amazing mother and wife. As a guy, I don’t have a clue what it is like to have a human being growing inside of me, so all I can do is try to be as supporting and loving as I can be. Malia May Johnson, no matter what, I got you!
Happy Game of Chicken With The Tropical Storm/Proposal Anniversary My Love! – https://www.mjtheterrible.com/happy-game-of-chicken-with-the-tropical-storm-proposal-anniversary-my-love/