Personal Life

Malia Wins The Relationship Quiz Grand Prize Romantic Four Seasons Getaway!

Malia and Michael MJ The Terrible Johnson Four Seasons Washington DC Getaway Photo Collage

MJ: Alright baby, you always try to Cosmo magazine relationship quiz me, but today I’m flippin the script on you. This is a quiz to see how well you know me.  And you better pass or I’m breaking up with you.

Malia: You can’t break up with me. I am the mother of your children.

MJ: Then you better do well woman! You know I’m just kidding about the breaking up with you part, right?

Malia: Bring it white boy!

MJ: Alright. What is my favorite line in the original Ghostbusters movie theme song?

Malia: Bustin makes me feel good!

MJ: It sure does! Finish these song chorus lyrics with what I used to think the real chorus song lyric was. It’s good ________________.

Malia: Willy Willy Wonka, but the real lyrics are “It was good, living with you, aha”.

MJ: Ok. So far so good, but those were the easy ones.

Malia: I have a triple double master’s doctorate in MJology.

MJ: What do I order when we eat at Outback Steakhouse?

Malia: A Blooming Onion with extra sauce, as an appetizer. Alice Springs Chicken with cheesy fries, bacon on the side. I eat your bacon. 7 layer chocolate cake for dessert. You order a diet coke to drink.

MJ: What would I order for a main course at a Chinese restaurant?

Malia: Kung Pao Chicken.

MJ: What would I order for a main course at a Thai food restaurant?

Malia: You would order Pad Thai with Chicken.

MJ: How many surgeries have I had in my lifetime, and name the surgeries?

Malia: You have had 4 surgeries.

1. Wisdom teeth removed, and your dad bought you a Nintendo to play while you were recovering.

2. Knife removal surgery from your hand, but you were awake for it.

3. Subdural hematoma surgery.

4. Lasik eye surgery.

MJ: Racecar spelled backwards is?

Malia: Racecar

MJ: When something mechanical isn’t working right, what part does it need to be fixed?

Malia: A Flux Capacitor.

MJ: What is the nickname of my favorite pair of shoes that you have ever had?

Malia: Clodhoppers.

MJ: What is my favorite sexual position?

Malia: That is a trick question, because you just like sex, all positions.

MJ: What does your vagina smell like?

Malia: According to you, Cheetos.

MJ: What was the very first movie we went to go see together?

Malia: The Dark Knight Rises at Alamo Draft house. You said- “Wanna go watch Batman? I know it’s not a girl movie but there is a love story in the movie. On the preview it looks like Batman falls in love with Catwoman after Batman kicks Bane’s ass. I know everyone thinks I’m a bad guy right now but I’m really not. I don’t want Bane to win or anything. At Alamo you can order restaurant food. Come on. Let’s go!”

MJ: What was my favorite movie to watch when I was sick and stayed at home from school when I was a kid?

Malia: Ferris Buehler’s Day Off.

MJ: What are my favorite kind of breakfast tacos? And name the restaurant.

Malia: “You know those breakfast tacos from that place over by my old work? The Mexican restaurant in West Lake. The breakfast tacos with the peppers but they’re not so hot they burn your face off. Do you want to get breakfast tacos from that place?” The name of the tacos are “Pete’s”, and the restaurant is Maudie’s, in Austin, Texas.

MJ: Finish the lyrics to this song we heard together at a club in Austin back when we were dating. “Imma eat that asshole. Imma eat that asshole. __________________.”

Malia: It was a club in San Antonio, and the lyrics are “Imma eat that asshole. Imma eat that asshole. Yeah I love my girlfriend. Yeah I love my girlfriend.”

MJ: Finish the lyrics to this song we heard together at a club in Houston back when we were dating. “Ass and titties. Ass and titties. Ass. Ass. Ass. Ass. Ass. _______________.”

Malia: “Titties”. and we were in Dallas. The dj was Nigga Man.

MJ: Describe the first time I ever fingered you.

Malia: The first time by accident was when we were laying on the bed at your old house and you saw my vagina. You said, “It looks like your vagina lips are glued together.” Then you put your finger inside of me. The first time you meant business when you fingered me was on the bed right before we had sex for the first time at my condo in Austin, that is now our condo.

MJ: What is my favorite pro football team?

Malia: The Dallas Cowboys, but you also like the Cleveland Browns because that was your hometown team growing up, and you also like the Baltimore Ravens because that is our hometown team now and you know some of the Ravens players.  

MJ: How much did Elizabeth Grace Johnson weigh when she was born?

Malia: 6.23 pounds

MJ: How much did Cash Michael Johnson weigh when he was born?

Malia: 8 pounds even

MJ: Is it a burden being so friggin hot that your husband can’t keep his hands off of you?

Malia: Only when I’m trying to cook and you won’t let me, but I love that you want to be all over me.

MJ: What is my favorite favorite?

Malia: That is a ridiculous question. I don’t think you even have an answer to that question.

MJ: Congratulations Mrs. Johnson! You have won the grand prize!

Malia: Yay! What is the grand prize? Your dick?

MJ: Tongue and dick!

Malia: Fuck yeah! You are the master of oral baby. I love your wiener and all, but when you go down on me, I lose all control and get completely into the moment. I want it!

MJ: But wait, there’s more!

Malia: What is it? Tell me! Tell me!

MJ: I know you don’t want to go far from our babies, and far away from the hospital in case your water breaks, so we are going on an in town vacation!

Malia: That’s perfect because our moms are here to take care of the kids. Was this your mom’s idea?

MJ: No comment.

Malia: That’s okay. Either way. I’m ecstatic! If this place has a spa, I will be in heaven!

Malia: Even if it doesn’t, that’s okay too. I love you! This is so awesome no matter what. Did your parents try to insist on paying for it?

MJ: Yes, but the Four Seasons was $1,500 a night just for the room. I told them I wouldn’t let them pay. I told them babysitting so that we could get away was the perfect gift.

Malia: The Four Seasons? Perfect again! Oh my God! You didn’t try to pack for me, did you?

MJ: I know better than to try to do that. I know that you like to pack your own stuff because that is your thing.

Malia: When can we check in?

MJ: I set up early check in. We can check in any time after 11 am.

Malia: The Four Seasons Washington, DC, right?

MJ: Yep

Malia: I am sooooo excited!!! Did your mom pack your stuff already?

MJ: Franny did, but I could have packed my own stuff.

Malia: I will be ready and at the door at 10:30! OMG you are the most wonderful man!! You promise tongue too, right?

MJ: I am going to lick you up and down my queen!

Malia: I gotta get ready. I love you bye. Be ready at 10:30 Johnson!

MJ: Yes ma’am!

Malia: I love the shit out of you!!

MJ: I’m happy you’re happy babe. I’ll be ready.

I Am Permanently In Love With You Woman! –

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About Michael "MJ The Terrible" Johnson

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