Malia: Where are you at? Did you sleep at all? Let me guess, still excited about the deal and couldn’t sleep?
MJ: Downstairs in my office. No. Yes, but I also can’t stop watching and listening to all of the videos and recordings from what happened in the house and stuff, between Chris and Gotye, while I was in the hospital.
Malia: Is it that exciting?
MJ: Mostly regular life things, but the Gotye underwear situation is intense!
Malia: What underwear situation? Can you save that part for me to watch?
MJ: I can’t save a recording or video. It won’t let me, but I’ll write down the recording or video number, and the times to start watching from.
Malia: Can I just have an overview of what happened? You don’t have to write down the numbers and the times.
MJ: Sure. So, Gotye put a pair of her underwear in Chris’s travel bag, so the person she thought that her husband was having an affair with would find them, and get pissed off or break up with him or whatever.
Malia: Chris can’t have an affair. He wasn’t married to her.
MJ: Baby, I know but he was acting as me.
Malia: I’m still sleepy. Sorry.
MJ: No worries.
Malia: What was the time of Pantygate?
MJ: Good one babe. March 2015.
Malia: Ewww! I may have to watch that one. That was right after your hematoma ruptured and I think that is right around the time Chris and Dubs broke up, and she discovered her inner lesbian.
Chris(MJ2): That is what broke us up.
MJ: For real?
Chris(MJ2): Yeah man.
MJ: Well, her plan worked. It did break up the relationship of what she thought was her husband, and what she thought was his mistress.
Chris(MJ2): Malia, don’t read this next part.
Chris(MJ2): Did you ever think about having an affair before your hematoma ruptured?
MJ: It was hard not having any sex, but no. Dubs, can I say the Lost Pines Resort thing?
Dubs: How did you know I was on?
MJ: Because your green light is on.
Dubs: It doesn’t matter anymore. If Gotye says anything, you could technically go after her for having an affair.
Dubs: Because she had sex with another man.
MJ: No shit. I forgot about that part. How did she not know?
Dubs: You and Gotye had sex twice in 2 years. That’s how. She was suffering from Post Partum, and her Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy was just starting to fire up, so sex with you was not on her mind. That pink vibrator of hers sure got a workout though.
MJ: You have a way with words Dubs. To answer your question Chris, I knew you had sex with her at Hyatt Lost Pines in April 2014, when I started having those tremors and shit. After you had sex with her, and even before, I was just sort of going through the motions. We didn’t have sex. I like sex. I like being close and stuff.
Chris(MJ2): Don’t get mad at me. You told me to.
MJ: I’m not mad. I knew she would catch on if certain things didn’t occur then. It’s hard to explain.
Chris(MJ2): It was weird though. Her breast have a weird odor.
Chris(MJ2): You were married to her. You should know.
MJ: I know, right. I dont really remember a woman before Malia: I mean, I do, but I mean the complete range of feelings and what not. You know what’s sad/ironic?
Chris (MJ2): What?
MJ: You were the last one to have sex with her. The last time I had sex with her was while she was pregnant with +1.
Chris(MJ2): In 2013?
Chris(MJ2): MJ, your life takes the cake on crazy.
MJ: If someone would have told me that my life would go from plain to insane in the blink of an eye back then, I wouldn’t have believed it.
Chris(MJ2): You are a good man MJ. You did all you could for her and +1 when y’all were still hitched, alright?
MJ: I wouldn’t have had an affair. The worst thing I ever did was get a lap dance maybe 5 times total. I did drink to excess sometimes, but with her getting pregnant and losing 6 babies in a row, it was heartbreaking.
Chris(MJ2): Congrats on Money Channel. That Bob dude, the owner, is a good dude.
MJ: Thank you. That he is. I know Malia hates when I say this, but I would have stayed with her. I tried to tell her the closest to the full truth I could, but she screwed me over when I did. Once sort of intentionally, and the second time, completely intentionally.
Chris(MJ2): Later MJ.
MJ: Later Chris. You still out there Dubs?
Dubs: Yes. What do you want?
MJ: If you take away the fact that you hate Gotye, and only make it physical, would you sleep with Gotye?
Dubs: Never thought about it. It sounds like she has mammory smell issues. Turn off. I doubt it. She was cuter 10 years ago. It’s not that she’s not sex worthy now, but she is such a bitch! I can’t name a meaner person. She tops my bitch list.
MJ: Ditto my earlier comment about you having a way with words.
Dubs: Then don’t ask me stupid questions.
MJ: I’m going upstairs to eat breakfast and be with the fam.
Dubs: Then go.