Personal Life

Reverend “MJ The Terrible”

Reverend Michael "MJ The Terrible" Johnson Photo

Quick note before reading this post. Brittany White is MJ’s former Court Appointed Supervisor, and now our family’s head of security. Brittany and her partner Kat want to get married because there has been a lot of resistance to their marriage because they are a same sex couple.

“The minister at the church Kat grew up attending refused our request to marry us. The minister at the church I grew up going to agreed to married us, but then bowed out due to pressure from members of the congregation. Kat and I have been thinking about who we could get to officiate our wedding that would do a good job, and who wouldn’t give in to outside pressure from anti-gay marriage forces who might try to pressure them into not marrying us. We both agreed you are the perfect person to do it.” Brittany White (Dubs)

After Brittany and Kat asked MJ if he would officiate their wedding, they found out that for MJ to officiate at their wedding, MJ would have to get ordained, and become an ordained minister.

Brittany bought the ordained minister certificate for MJ online. On the day the certificate came in the mail, MJ and I were arguing about something stupid, but I was pms crazy and in the mood to fight, so I let him have it. (I’m still sorry baby!)

Here were our back and forth texts to each other after I had calmed down and MJ received the ordained minister certificate in the mail. 

Malia: I know you are probably really angry with me right now, but I wanted to say I’m sorry for being a bitch to you this morning. 

Malia: I sent you a text apologizing for being a bitch earlier. Did you get it?

MJ: Yeah. 

Malia: I hate arguing with you for lots of reasons. One of those reasons is the unbearable silent treatment torture after. I hate it! It drives me insane! Your silent treatment psychological warfare tactics should be illegal. That’s all I’m sayin. 

MJ: How is being silent/not saying anything “psychological warfare”?

Malia: Being silent/not saying anything is not “psychological warfare”, but the way you do it is. You weaponize being silent/not saying anything. 

MJ: I have the right to remain silent, because when you are mad, anything I do and say will be used against me in the court of Maliacane.

Malia: When I’m yelling, at least I’m communicating, but I shouldn’t yell like I do sometimes, I know. I’m sorry.

MJ: When I’m being silent/not saying anything, I’m communicating by not communicating.

Malia: You know what it feels like to go through your silent treatment psychological warfare?

MJ: …..

Malia: It makes feel like I kicked a puppy or something. I feel so bad, like I did something horrible. Yes, I shouldn’t yell at you, but know this, the silent treatment you do to me is way worse than the yelling I do to you.

Malia: And then there is the “Let’s solve this problem so that I never have to deal with this again” treatment, etc. I hate it!

MJ: I don’t remember doing the “Let’s solve this problem so that I never have to deal with this again” thing for a long time. 

Malia: Yeah. I found a workaround for that one. 

MJ: What is it? 

Malia: Sex. It’s a disrupter. It disrupts your pattern of post me starting an argument and yelling at you psychological torture.

MJ: I love you puppy kicker.

Malia: Baby! 

Malia: Tell me the truth. Do you weaponize the silent treatment against me on purpose to get me to stop fighting with you?

MJ: I don’t know if weaponizing it is the right word exactly, but I do silent treatment you with a purpose let’s say.

Malia: You mother fucker! I knew it!

MJ: What? It is self-defense against Maliacane invasion.

Malia: Good Lord!

MJ: Speaking of, I’m a Reverend now. If you yell at me, you could go to hell. 

Malia: Brittany told me. My husband the Reverend. Wow! Now all you need is a church to Reverend at. 

MJ: I have one. Universal Life Church. That’s what church the certificate says on it.

Malia: Do you want me to get down on my knees later?

MJ: Oh my God yes! Would love that!

Malia: Get down on my knees to pray Reverend. That’s what I meant.

MJ: Getting down on your knees to pray is a good thing to do. 

Malia: After I’m done praying on my knees, I might could worship the new Reverend’s wiener. Yeah?

MJ: Yeah!

Malia: I am sorry for arguing with you for no reason sometimes. I love you Reverend MJ The Terrible! I am wet and waiting on our bed. 

MJ: I am sorry for weaponizing silent treatment. I love you baby cakes. And….Hallelujah!

Hold Me –

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About Michael "MJ The Terrible" Johnson

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