Guest user 1: My name is Malcolm. I am a fan of Masters of Money and “MJ The Terrible”. Please don’t share my full name. This is a request for advice from “MJ The Terrible”.
I was married once before. My first wife and I got married because we thought it was what we were supposed to do. It was a marriage of convenience. I loved her, but I was never really in love with her. There was always something missing. It’s hard to explain.
We grew apart over time. She was a lot like your ex-wife from what it sounds like. We had 2 kids together. We mutually agreed we wanted a divorce, but she turned evil on me. Alls fair in love and war, but we had a peace agreement. She broke our agreement and came after me. It hurt. It still hurts. She changed. I am the most sad about how it effects our kids. I wish she would try to be a better mom. Her hate for me hurts her momming.
4 months after our divorce I met someone. We fell in love. She is everything I want. She seems a lot like Malia. We have talked about getting married. I bought a ring.
For some reason I am affraid to pull the trigger because of the disaster my first marriage and divorce turned into. I am 41 years old. My girlfriend is 29. We are so great together. I don’t know why I am do nervous about it.
Did you feel like this before you asked Malia to marry you? I’ll take any advice you have.
MJ: Do you and your girlfriend live together now?
Guest user 1: Yes.
MJ: Are you happy living with her?
Guest user 1: Oh yeah. It’s great. I’m happy for the first time in ages.
MJ: Maybe I can provide some perspective. Our situations are sound somewhat similar.
Divorce with kids is hard, but married and miserable is worse. If you’re divorced and the mom or dad are really miserable, at least when the children get to go to the parents house that isn’t miserable, they get to have a break from the miserable.
I was nervous about asking Malia to marry me, but I knew it was the right thing to do. If someone makes you happy, they support you, comfort you, are there for you, loves you, is honest with you, is faithful to you, is your best friend, etc, and you can’t imagine your life without them, then deep down inside, you know what the right thing to do is.
I knew I was going to ask her to marry me regardless of the baggage I had from my first marriage, but I do remember a moment that almost instantly put me at ease about it.
I was talking with one of my mentors(Mr. Fanning), and he said- “MJ, I think you and Malia make a great couple. She was everything you needed. The 2 of you have built a great life together. I’m so happy for both of you.”
Then I asked him if he thought Malia and I could end like my first marriage did, and he said- “You told me Malia is everything thing you want, and you don’t have to force it. It just works.”
In that moment, I knew. I knew before that, but that cemented it for me.
Plus, I knew that I couldn’t stand the thought of being without her. I think I would lose my shit if I saw her kissing another guy, being with another guy, or even imagining the thought of her making love to a different guy, etc.
Regarding ex’s, my ex anyway, is extremely dramatic, constantly causes conflict, looks for ways to make our lives harder, doesn’t care in the least, about coparenting, and puts her interests above our sons.
It’s sad, but there’s nothing I can do about it. The only thing I can do is be an awesome dad, and provide my son with all of the love and support he needs. If I do that, he’ll be just fine. One day he will be older, and see for himself what’s right and what’s wrong, who did what, etc.
If she makes you happy, and she’s everything you want, at the very least you have a way better chance this marriage will work, compared to your first marriage.
I wish you the best of luck. If you truly love her….take the leap of faith!
All of my best,