Malia: Michael David Johnson! I am trying to poop in peace! I don’t need you to sing to me while I am pooping!
MJ: I am just trying to help.
Malia: How does you singing “Ah! Push it! Push it real good!”, help me to poop any better than when I poop in silence?
MJ: It’s poop encouragement, and we all need a little encouragement sometimes.
Malia: Not while we are pooping! Baby! It’s not the song that is driving me nuts. Switching songs to “There’s something in the way she poops”, is not helping!
MJ: I didn’t know you hated music. I feel bad for music, because music is so awesome, but you hate it.
Malia: You better find a good place to hide, because when I get done pooping, I am going to kick your butt!
MJ: That’s a domestic violence threat right there, and this commercial I saw on tv said I don’t have to take it. I can call the domestic abuse hotline.
Malia: Call them! When the police come and take me away, how long will it be before you beg me to come back because you miss me, or you’re horny?
MJ: Probably like 15 minutes.
Malia: Besides, this falls under the worse part of for better or for worse.
MJ: I do not recall signing said contract.
Malia: There were over 500 guests at our wedding who will testify that you verbally accepted the for better or for worse terms.
MJ: I was under duress.
Malia: You are duress! I am about to be done, and when I get out there, you better have one hell of an apology teed up and ready to go!
MJ: What kind of apology would you like?
Malia: One that involves your lips, and your mouth, and your tongue.
MJ: Ok. Do you know what I can do with my lips, mouth, and tongue?
MJ: I can sing!
Malia: And the award for the most frustrating husband of the day award goes to……Michael David Johnson of Bethesda, Maryland!
MJ: What did you want me to do with my lips, and my mouth, and tongue?
Malia: I was hoping for Oral Martial Arts. You are so freakin good at Lick Fu.
MJ: Oral Martials Arts/Lick Fu, is only for self defense. 😉
Malia: You are going to need self defense when I get out of this restroom!
MJ: In that case, I summon the power of the great Lick Fu masters who have come before me.
Malia: Bruce Lick? Lick Norris? Jean Claude Van Lick?
MJ: Uh huh
Malia: Will you Licks of Fury me please?
MJ: I will do as you wish Maliason.
Malia: Yeah! One minute warning.
MJ: 60. 59. 58. 57……
Malia: I love you crazy man!
MJ: I love you big butt!
Malia’s Deadly Butt Weapon – https://www.mjtheterrible.com/malias-deadly-butt-weapon/