MJ: Baby, I think I have erectile dysfunction. Malia: Do you want to have sex with me right now? MJ: Yes! Malia: When we want to have sex does your penis get hard? MJ: Yes! Malia: If you answered no to my last 2 questions, that would indicate you have erectile dysfunction. MJ: Could you check it for me? Malia:…
To: Michael David Johnson This love video for you is red. Your mom will be here to pick up the babies soon. Now bring that sexy body home because I want to make a baby with you in the bedroom! From: Your Loving Wife Always, But Today I’m Your Love Slave All Day Long! P.S. You know how you made…
Malia: Baby, would you still love me if I looked like this…….. MJ: Yes, but I am glad you look like this……… Malia: Would you really love me if I looked like that? MJ: Yes. I don’t just love you for your looks, but your beauty doesn’t hurt either. Malia: That is the heaviest woman in the world. MJ: I…
This was Malia and I’s fun shower together this morning. Malia: Hey baby! Come on in. MJ: Hello my love. Note- I kissed Malia. Then I sat down in the back of the shower and just watched her take a shower while we talked. Malia: Are you just going to watch me get a shower? MJ: Yeah. Is that ok?…
MJ and I met on March 8th, 2012. MJ was going through a lot at the time. He was dealing with the fallout from being the alleged architect of Stuxnet, the world’s first cyber weapon that almost caused World War III. MJ was still married to his first wife. I refer to her as his practice wife, because MJ was…
Malia: Baby, remember this? It is always interesting to see what your brilliant, loving, and slightly perverted, but in a good way, mind will come up with. I know you hand wrote the Dear P@$$y letter back in the day, but your handwriting looks like ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics, no offense, so I typed it out to be able to post…
Alleged Crime: Exceeding The Maximum Sexiness Level MJ: I do believe that then and there Malia May Johnson committed the crime of exceeding the maximum sexiness level. Malia: Shouldn’t it be I do believe that here and now I committed the crime of exceeding the sexy level? MJ: On arrest warrants it says then and there, not here and…
Malia: Hey baby. I read your email. Sorry you are having a stressful day. I love you. I am available if you need some stress relief if you know what I mean. MJ: Thanks babe. I love you too. Malia: You are usually all about it bout it when I offer “stress relief”. I am a good listener. We can…
Malia: Mr. “MJ The Terrible”, why do you want to fight with your wife when we could be doing something a whole lot more fun together? We have a babysitter tonight! MJ: You started it! Malia: You started it! MJ: You started it!! Malia: You started it!!!!! MJ: You were relentless with your feistiness today. Malia: And clearly I need…
One of the first times Malia and I fooled around, I stopped what I was doing, looked up at her, and said- “Baby, your business smells like Cheetos”. She immediately said- “What? Get off me!”, and her legs closed up faster than fast. Then she stood up and backed away from the couch maybe 5 feet or so. She got…