Malia: Hey baby. I read your email. Sorry you are having a stressful day. I love you. I am available if you need some stress relief if you know what I mean. MJ: Thanks babe. I love you too. Malia: You are usually all about it bout it when I offer “stress relief”. I am a good listener. We can…
The Letter I Wrote To My Future Father and Mother In Law To My Future Father and Mother In Law (I hope!), I felt compelled to write this. It is important to me that you know how I feel about your daughter, and what my plans are for the future. I love Malia more than anything in the world! She…
Oh no! My wife is possessed. I was going to call the Ghostbusters to come get her, but then she wanted to have sex with me, and since even though she was possessed and all, she is still my wife, and she was looking prego sexy as hell! I decided to risk it. I love you baby, even when you…
Yesterday Malia and I were talking about some of our most fun dates, and she brought up the time we went to the house where they filmed the Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie in Granger, Texas, which is not to far from Austin. Due to my alleged involvement as the chief architect of the Stuxnet computer virus which had international consequences,…
While I’m working on a project we are staying in a compound at Naval Base San Diego. The building I’m working in is close to the compound my family and I are living in. I like it because it makes it easy to eat lunch with my family, spend time with our kids, or come home for a quickie(like today),…
Michael David Johnson, You might be the super smart computer genius the world calls on to save it when there is a problem, but you are ai much more than that. You are a great husband and father. I love the “YOU” chart you made for me. It makes up for all of the loud snoring you are doing right…
Baby, I love your big smile, your big heart, and your big butt! Thank you for handling my “old baggage” for me, so that I can take care of business. There isn’t anything that I wouldn’t do for you. I thought after I got divorced from my first wife, or as you like to call her, my “practice wife”, that…
Baby, Thank you for an incredible day at the beach! Here’s what Malia said about the video- “Aww! I love the video, but of course the wind blocks the part at the beginning where you say that I was right about buying the beach house. I know you really meant what you said in the video, because you broke character…
MJ: Question….What happened when I walked through the front door of our house today and my wife was waiting for me in a sexy as hell karate outfit, and says- “Are you ready for your naughty karate lesson “MJ The Terrible”? A. We immediately had awesome karate sex. B. Since I was already in a playful mood, I decided to…
Malia: Save a horse. Ride an MJ? MJ: I gotta be out the door in 10 minutes. Malia: Perfect! MJ: Is this “strategic sex” as you call it? Because you want your smell and stuff on me because I will see my ex tonight? Malia: Its weird because I’m not jealous of her, and I know you would never cheat…