Malia: If you could talk to me right now, what would you say?
MJ: Is this some kind of a joke? You are supposed to be dead.
Malia: Do you want me dead?
MJ: This has to be a joke. My wife was tragically killed in a car accident on January 14th.
Malia: Do you miss me?
MJ: Who has Malia’s phone? Dubs? Kevin? Marcus? Mr. Steve?
MJ: Listen to me loud and clear whoever this is…..You do not want to do this! Trust me, you don’t know who I am.
Dubs: Malia does
MJ: That’s not possible!
Malia: What would you give to have me back?
MJ: I know I’m emotionally distraught and all, but I’m not crazy. Dead people can’t instant message. WTF is going on here?
Malia: Baby, don’t be mad. There are reasons why we didn’t tell you. It had to look real.
MJ: What? I went to the hospital! I saw you hooked up to machines. I cried my eyes out. I made funeral plans and shit.
Dubs: MJ, don’t be mad at Malia. We made her do it. Don’t be dramatic.
MJ: There was an accident! I saw the reports. I saw Malia, or at least what I thought was Malia in the hospital. I was there when the machines stopped. When she was brain dead, the doctor asked me for permission to turn the machines off. This happened! I know it. I have been a miserable mess!
MJ: Baby, if you are really alive, call me.
Malia: I can’t yet. I will as soon as I’m allowed to. I love you
MJ: Why would you put me through this? I fell apart over this. I was smelling your clothes and crying, and I couldn’t eat or sleep. I told my son on Thursday that you died! I told Liz and Cash. I had to beg to see my son because people were worried about me. I sobbed my eyes out in front of Mr. Keith and DK!
MJ: People sent cards, and letters and we all thought you were dead.
Malia: Baby, I watched. I watched all of it. I was crying the whole time. It was so sad to watch you go through all of that.
The feds approached me while I was at the store that day. They told me they received a verified tip that the brother of one of the men who attacked us at the pool this summer, was coming to Austin to do bad things, so they set up circumstances to keep us safe until they could catch him, and his cohorts.
MJ: Why wasn’t I told? I am great at keeping secrets. I have top secret security clearance for crying out loud.
Dubs: Be thankful MJ. You’re welcome and won’t appreciate how we helped you as always.
MJ: Dubs, I do appreciate what people do/have done for us, but forgive me for being caught off guard here. I mean, I just found out the last week of my life, where I have looked like a complete fool, lost probably 10 pounds, planned a funeral, and lied to god knows how many people about my wife being dead.
Dr. Deb: I am sorry MJ. We had to make it look real for this to work. All parties have been apprehended.
MJ, I have never seen you like that. You might have been a total mess, but you showed a lot of courage and compassion this week.
I apologize for what happened. Mr. Fanning also apologizes. Chris, Dubs, we all do, but we did it to keep you and your family safe.
Malia: Please don’t hate me. It broke my heart to see you in so much pain.
I know how much you love me and our family. I know because I got to see exactly what you would do if something happened to us.
You are a wonderful man. I feel guilty for being curious about how you would respond. It felt and feels, like the cruelest joke.
I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I am going to keep loving you. I love you more than ever. I will love you like never before.
You tease me about building up points when you do good, so you can cash them in when you piss me off. You don’t have to build up points anymore. You have unlimited good points ok. I love you!
MJ: I’m just glad you are okay. I love you!
MJ: When will I get to see you?
Malia: Tonight. We should be home by 7 or 8. Sex? Lots of I’m sorry sex?
MJ: I can’t wait to see you and kiss your belly. We don’t have to have sex. I’m just happy that you and are babies are ok.
Malia: YOU don’t want to have sex with me? I thought you would want it immediately.
MJ: This is different. This was an emotional week, like none other. I am emotionally drained. It was horrible baby.
Malia: Ok. I just wanted to offer. You have been through so much. You deserve whatever you want MJ.
P.S. Please move my stuff back. You were right. I saw that, and it bothered me to no end!
MJ: Ok. I love you to. I can’t wait to hold you. Please don’t ever do that again.
Watch, next time I’ll be all casual about it, but it will be real and I’ll feel 10 times worse.
Malia: I got to watch everything you did this week. You layed in my closet smelling my clothes. You prayed. You walked around holding my things, just to be close to me. Seeing how much you love me permanently changed me.
I knew you loved me, but seeing it with my own eyes took my love for you to a whole new level.
MJ: Baby? I may have been to quick to say no on something earlier.
Malia: I’m laughing because I know you so well…….
MJ: If the moment were to occur, I don’t want to rule out sex/love making.
Malia: Is the moment going to occur?
MJ: I’m only saying if the moment occurs. I’m not saying it will. I’m only saying that if it does, it does.
Malia: Is the moment going to occur? Lol
Malia: Is the moment going to occur?
MJ: I would like it to.
Malia: Me too.
MJ: I promise I didn’t miss you just because of sex.
Malia: Baby I know. The apartment, your phones, everything was live mic’d or videoed. I watched and heard everything.
The tiniest part of me thought you might reach out to Gotye, but that didn’t happen. Good job handling her bull shit while I was gone. She was a bi…. to you.
You didn’t try to act tough in front of your driver friend or DK either. I thought you would. You really really love me.
MJ: There was no way to act tough. I couldn’t breath. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t do anything. How could I act tough? And yes I really do!
Malia: I have never felt so loved. You are the most amazing man Michael David Johnson!
MJ: Who was the lady that I thought was Malia, with the smashed face at the hospital?
Dubs: That was a cadaver on loan from Seton. When you have time, call Dr. Y. He remembers you and Gotye well. He told us Gotye was his meanest ivf client, when Dr. Y still had his private practice.
MJ: Good lord!
To all of those who lied to me about my wife dying in a car accident, which includes the 9 of you who are close to me, and federal law enforcement officials/officers, to keep my wife and family safe…..THANK YOU!!!