Personal Life

“The Turn”

Malia May Johnson The Turn Picture at SeaWorld in San Antonio Texas

MJ: I know you want it. I know you need it.

Malia: But I’m a good girl!

MJ: I’m about to come over there and invade our bedroom like it was Osama Bin Laden’s compound, and I’m Seal Team 6.

Malia: I have to tell you something and you can’t get mad.

MJ: Uh oh

Malia: Don’t let this ruin sex for me, ok? You still have to have sex with me even though I’m about to argue with you for no reason, ok? I can’t help myself. My hormones are all over the place and they are driving me crazy.

MJ: Ok. Is there something specific you want to argue about, or you just want rage to get it out of your system?

Malia: I don’t know but somehow this is all your fault.

MJ: What is my fault?


MJ: Good things and bad?

Malia: Yes!!

MJ: Now I feel guilty.

Malia: About what?

MJ: AIDS, the Holocaust, war, etc.

Malia: What makes you feel guilty about those things?

MJ: You said everything is my fault, and those are things.

Malia: Wait, I have something to be mad at you about. I heard you talking to Chris about women.

MJ: What did I say?

Malia: You compared women to zombies.

MJ: I did? I don’t remember.

Malia: Bull shit! You said “When you see her starting to turn, you have to rapid plan for your safety. What I do is run and grab one of our babies. It’s like during a game of tag, the baby is safe. Malia has to wait until I put the baby down before she can go Maliacane on me.” Did you say that or not?

MJ: Yeah.

Malia: You make it seem like women are zombies. I’m offended!

MJ: I’m sorry. We were just joking at that point. When we got serious during the conversation, I talked about how all couple’s fight, and how we have our fight to make up process.

Malia: Am I “starting to turn” right now?

MJ: I love you

Malia: Don’t try to I love you your way out of this.

MJ: I love you with all my heart. I was only trying to make him laugh because he and Tarica are fighting, and Tarica is just like you, and Chris is just like me.

Malia: Literally Chris is just like you. Your advice was probably stupid.

MJ: 🙁

Malia: I need to get my rage out! Don’t make me feel sorry for you!

MJ: Oh. 🙂

Malia: You are happy that I said your advice was probably stupid?

MJ: The frown wasn’t the right answer, so I tried the opposite. I don’t know. I’m not a good arguer with you because I love you, and I don’t want to fight with you.

Malia: What was your real advice to Chris?

MJ: I told him to remember how much he loves her. I told him to remember that arguing with her is like arguing with yourself because she is your other half. I told him to give her time if she asks for it. I told him to apologize. And I told him to try to find ways to work it out, because when you make up you get to have sex and go back to being happy again.

Malia: I heard Tarica call you after you got off the phone with Chris. What advice did you give her?

MJ: I told her to remember how much she loves him. I told her to remember that arguing with him is like arguing with yourself because he is your other half. I told her to give him time if he asks for it. I told her to apologize. And I told her to try to find ways to work it out, because when you make up you get to have sex and go back to being happy again.

Malia: That is the same thing you told Chris.

MJ: Uh huh.

Malia: You told both of them to apologize? Why? Maybe only one of them was at fault?

MJ: Because life is short, and it sucks arguing with the person you love the most in the whole world.

Malia: You know that is exactly what you do with me every time we argue right?

MJ: Yeah

Malia: God damn Johnson!

MJ: What?

Malia: I don’t know. You’re just you. You’re cute and dumb brilliant.

MJ: What do you mean by dumb brilliant?

Malia: Your advice to both of them was very simple and basic, but also smart and effective. Hence “dumb brilliant”.

MJ: I love you

Malia: There you go again with that shit

MJ: I’m sorry

Malia: Let me guess, is the next thing you are going to try to do is work things out with me because when you make up you get to have sex and go back to being happy again?

MJ: Yeah

Malia: You just told Chris and Tarica do that and now you are doing the same thing with me.

MJ: It’s all I know how to do in this situation. It has worked for 9 years with us. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Malia: Did it work for Chris and Tarica?

MJ: Yeah.

Malia: It really is a pretty good strategy.

MJ: Do you want to make up and have sex?

Malia: Wait. I want to be the one to ask since I was bitchy. I still might be bitchy because I’m about to pop pregnant, but please know that I love you even when I am raging against you.

MJ: The turn thing works in a good way too. Like now you are turning back into nice.

Malia: I want to have sex, and I know you do to, so I’m going to tell you to stop talking now and come raid my compound or whatever it was you text earlier.

MJ: Where are you?

Malia: I’m at the Woodland house. I’m sorry baby. I am to pregnant and fat and hormonal and horny to think. Come over to this house, bend me over something, and bang me out of my misery.

MJ: I’m sorry.

Malia: What is this apology for?

MJ: I’m planning ahead.

Malia: Are you apologizing for the next time we argue already so we can skip that step during our next argument and get to the makeup sex quicker?

MJ: Yeah

Malia: Ok. I future want to do that too. I’m sorry too for being a bitch or hormonal or just whatever you want me to be sorry about. I am so loopy and fat and pregnant and ready to pop.

Run For The Shower Of Your Love –

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About Michael "MJ The Terrible" Johnson

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