The following post was inspired by the real life events that took place on December 30th, 2016, between myself, and the beautiful love of my life Malia, at our condo in downtown Austin, Texas.
Only read this post if you are 18 years of age or older, and you can handle reading about probably the hottest, best sex of my life, that will probably make you laugh your ass off, and make you want to go have sex. Sincerely, Michael “MJ The Terrible” Johnson
Malia: MJ, you are a mother fucker.
Malia: You fucked me and I’m a mother, so that makes you a mother fucker. Just thought you should know.
Malia: Would you like me to make you a mother fucking breakfast before your long drive out to Lakeway mother fucker?
MJ: Stop calling me that.
Sidenote: We moved from the bed to the sunroom(second kitchen) at this point.
Malia: Go lay back down for 15 minutes while I get your mother fucking breakfast ready.
MJ: Malia don’t start a fight with me please. I don’t want to argue with you. You’re pregnant. Please don’t pick a fight with me this morning.
Malia: Sure thing mother fucker.
MJ: I’m going to go lay down until my mother fucking breakfast is ready, and maybe by then I won’t be a mother fucker anymore.
Sidenote: We both laughed.
Sidenote 2: 10 minutes go by at this point, and then she walks into the bedroom completely naked and stands right next to the bed looking down at me.
Malia: I’m a mother and you’re fucking me for breakfast. Ta da, mother fucking breakfast. Let’s do this.
MJ: Didn’t we already do it this morning or was I dreaming that we did it?
Malia: You weren’t dreaming it. We fucked. You fucked a mother. That made you a mother fucker.
MJ: If we do it again now doesn’t that make me a mother fucker again?
Malia: Yes. You will be a mother fucking repeat offender.
MJ: I feel like I woke up married to the Riddler. Are we still in Austin, or did we get annexed by the Twilight Zone?
Malia: I don’t think I’m making myself clear. It’s mother fucking time. And…..action!
MJ: Baby, I’m mother fucking confused.
Malia: I’m going to make it really simple for you. I’m naked and I am throwing myself at you. Get your head in the game Johnson.
Side note: I figured it out! 🙂
MJ: I’m calling the police.
MJ: I feel raped.
Malia: Fine. We won’t do it anymore then.
MJ: I’m just kidding.
Malia: I know.
MJ: If this is what being pregnant does to you, let’s make a basketball team!
Malia: I can see it now. Up next on TNT it is “MJ’s Terribles” against the San Antonio Spurs. Do you promise you love me?
Malia: Good! What’s your favorite meal of the day now?
MJ: Every mother fucking one!
Malia: Well played MJ.
MJ: I can get BABB to do some of my work this morning and then we can have mother fucking brunch!
Malia: I’m going to go lay down on the mother fucking couch for awhile okay?
MJ: Okay. I love you baby. Can I get you anything before I go my love?
Malia: Yes, I obviously moved to the mother fucking couch for a reason. Change of mother fucking scenary.
MJ: Are we back to mother fucking talk again?
Malia: No, we are back to the mother fucking doing now.
MJ: I hope this mother fucking thing takes all day long.
Malia: It’s really mother fucking therapy if you think about it.
MJ: When I get that mother fuckin feelin, I want sexual healin.
Malia: When you woke up this morning, did you think you would have this much mother fuckin fun?
MJ: It’s like one of my favorite movies, Ferris Buellers Mother Fuckin Day Off, but better.
Malia: “MJ The Mother Fucker”
MJ: It fits perfectly.
Malia: It sure does!
And then actions spoke louder than words!